I had a great c25k run with my daughter on Friday, as I wrote about here. When I got home, I felt energized, empowered, enlivened, and excited. Two hours later, the most painful sore throat ever descended on me. Boom. I couldn’t even sleep Friday night because of the pain. Saturday, the CNP, she of “hon” predilection, prescribed a med and then said I’d be feeling much better in 24 hrs and back to normal in 48.
My literal mind took note of the time frames. By 24 hours, I was just as bad and that was bad. By 48, I was on my way to see my actual doctor because I was in agony by now. And I had no answers, never a happy thing when I’m in pain.
Some of our early life lessons, when they conflate scary stuff about eternity with the developmental phase of learning to trust, well, that shit gets buried deep. Like deep enough that even after leaving that religious faith and finding tremendous joy in letting go, something like an unexplained sore throat can be a trigger.
On the way to the doctor, I ……. ACTUALLY ……. entertained the idea that one of those early life lessons might have validity; namely, that because I have walked away from the religion of my childhood, god was going to just go ahead and kill me to teach me a lesson. Death by sore throat!
See, we knew this woman who divorced her husband, and sometime not long after, she died in her sleep. She was really young. It was reported to me that the cause of death was at least in part god taking her life because she was so selfish (said the pastor at the funeral). I had already internalized that I was NOT to love anything or anyone more than god. That’s the clear message of Luke 14:26 (If any man come to Me and hate not his father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.” That’s the King James version, one I abandoned at least 30 years ago, but the version I read as a child.) (Remember what I said about having a brain that takes things literally,)
Basically, the larger lesson was that god was on the lookout for my screw-ups, and once detected, I was TOAST.
Thankfully (!) it only took a couple minutes for my rational mind to reassert itself and point out that everything was very likely going to be just fine. Sure enough, a second med was prescribed to address a different aspect of the sort throat, and after one dose, I began to feel noticeably better. However long it takes me to fully recover, I’m pretty sure this isn’t happening because I’m in trouble with the big kahuna.
How about you? Are there things you were taught early in life that are unwelcome intruders?