T is for Today (part 2)

Here’s what I notice. Whenever I speak with my son about his addiction issues, I discover that pretty much every question I ask him is one that also applies to me. For instance.

What kind of person do you want to be? (What result do you want?) I guess I understand way too well how difficult it is to postpone gratification when the object of your gratification is within reach. It’s like my brain doesn’t work the same way while I’m being drawn to the object as it does after I have imbibed and now get to deal with the fallout and consequences. Sounds very familiar when you think about drugs. But it also applies to food. There must be something more compelling than the food item if I am to find a way through the immediate temptation.

As Tony Robbins teaches, there is a huge difference in the efficacy of push motivation vs pull motivation. Push motivation has to do with pushing ourselves away from something; implementing willpower; trying really hard not to do something. Pull motivation focuses on what we want; what we would like to experience or feel or be. Figuring out what result I want is the very best kind of pull motivation because that result draws me to itself.

As much as I believe this idea would be incredibly helpful for drug addicts, I also see how valuable it is for food addicts. And gambling addicts. And shopping addicts. I don’t know why rehab centers all over the world aren’t doing this already!

Once I figure out what result I want, the next step is to figure out why I want that result. It is truly the why that is the compelling piece. And the why must be articulated in positive terms. Not, “I’ll stop eating sugar because I don’t want to get sick.” It must be positive. “I will choose healthy foods that contribute to my overall feelings of health and wellness, as well as my actual health and wellness.” The more I can get in touch with what it’s like to feel heathy and well, the more pull motivation I have from that result.

So simple, yet so profound. As far as being the mother of a drug addict, I know that I want to be someone who is supportive, compassionate, honest, and loving. I want to be a person who asks wise questions which allow my son to find his own solutions, as I truly do believe he has the solutions within himself, even if he needs some support right now to find them. I want to be someone who is examining myself in relationship to how I parent, how I live and how I love. Always being willing to keep trying, and willing to try new things that maybe aren’t comfortable.

By the way, thank you to all of you who read my posts and especially to those who comment. I want to be a blogger who has an impact!

6 thoughts on “T is for Today (part 2)

  1. And, you do have an impact. I imagine much more than you realize, and in a very good way.

    Slow and steady is how I am finding that happen on my own site. For the first time, I’m okay with the pace.

    Definitely contemplating the “push” “pull” theories which as you say can apply in so many facets of life.

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  2. There is a phrase I heard many years ago and it made so much sense. You said “it’s simple yet so profound” which such like my saying of ” simple doesn’t mean easy”.

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  3. Oh my gosh! I hear thunder and see lightening. There’s something about being ready to receive information; the timeliness of it and how it applies to me. I could have gone to hear Tony Robbins and missed the whole ball of wax but the push/pull theory is just right for me, just now and I’m sure it is impacting what is happening to you and will be huge in the outcome.

    Love you so much and appreciate who you are and the vestiges of your father that I see in you which gives me much comfort and hope. I pray your son will have hearing ears and seeing eyes that will get him home free if he will just listen to you. Surely he has his own resources that will rise to the surface just like cream does with a little time.

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  4. I have a child who is having problems with some serious Depression and can’t seem to see beyond this minute and how horrible it is. I use some of the same questions you have. As for myself I can day I should use the Push/Pull Theory for myself also, to show her how. I need to do things for me that would be healthier,and more organized. Maybe If i can set a good example she’ll follow along. Thanks for the push.

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    1. I’ve had the same thought in reference to my addicted son. I’ve got my own stuff and certainly dealing with it in front of him seems like it would be a great example. Best wishes as you help your child experience and hopefully get past the severe depression.

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