Two of my favorite podcasters, namely Jason Stellman and Christian Kingery of Drunk Ex-Pastors, have been podcasting since August 2014. In August 2015, they had a guest on the show. Seth Taylor, author of Feels Like Redemption.
Seth’s book is about porn addiction. Although i’m not a porn addict, what Seth said touched me deeply. Our addictions are ways that we medicate deep, unexpressed, unresolved pain and trauma.
I had been looking at going to an Onsite workshop in Tennessee, but the cost was very prohibitive. After listening to Seth on the podcast, who could barely string together two sentences thanks to the interview style of Jason and Christian, i knew that Onsite, valuable as it may be for hurting people, was more than likely going to give me more head knowledge about changing my attitude, reframing things, understanding more. But there were feelings in me I had always been afraid to express and something in Seth’s brief presentation captured me and drew me to find out more.
Finding out more meant seeking out his book and reading it. I also emailed him and was pleasantly surprised at how gracious he was to me, a stranger. More about that later.
Within a few days, i began to explore the possibility of heading to Anchorage, Alaska to attend a workshop on core transformational healing. And very shortly after that, I began to plan my trip.
I had had a transformational summer in 1980 when I spent a summer up there on a Teen Missions trip. I have never forgotten the awe and wonder I felt as we ran around on the Matanuska glacier. While i think we did accomplish some helpful things for the camp we were at, the experiences i had on the glacier and on the mountain were pretty special times, and unique to Alaska.
So I wanted to go back. If i could see a glacier, that would be cool. If i could climb a mountain, I’d be pretty happy. But if I could find the kind of healing Seth (and his brother, David) wrote about, I’d be a new person.
It’s hard to explain on the one hand, but easy on the other hand. Each of us store energy in our bodies from traumas, rejections, abuse, wounds, and all types of pain. What Seth and David said, and what I experienced, is that that energy can be cleared out. And when it is, we reclaim parts of ourselves that we have rejected.
You might not see it in these photos, especially if you don’t know me, but in this first one, I can see the fear and hesitation in my smile and my eyes.
I’ve been back for 10 days and everything’s different now. I’m no longer slogging through my days like I’m underwater. I’m no longer triggered by a zillion things. And i feel content and creative and grateful. And I’m going to let my light shine.